I’m pregnant: Who should I talk to and what do I say?

Receiving the news that you are pregnant and unprepared to care for your child can be hard to come to terms with, let alone know how to talk to others about it.

You might have questions about pregnancy options but don’t know how to ask them. You might feel like you need to talk but don’t know what to say, and you might need support but don’t know who to turn to. Seeking guidance from loved ones or an adoption assistance agency can help you feel like you’re validated in your decisions. It can provide the support you need during and after your pregnancy too. Choosing who to tell can be difficult, and depending on your situation may be required early on, but remember that you’re not alone. Rest assured, many women have felt the same fear and anxiety you are feeling about having these same conversations.

Whether it be a parent, close friend or an adoption agency like A Guardian Angel Adoption, people care about you and want to help you. You are important. Remember, there is no timeline. Waiting for the right moment to share that you are expecting is unique to your situation. Taking those first steps to start the conversation with those you trust may be daunting. These tips will help you facilitate calm conversations with family members and friends. As well as help you decide if creating an adoption plan is the right decision for you and your child.

Recognizing and validating your feelings

When you first learn that you are expecting, it can take time to let the news sink in. By allowing yourself the time to process your emotions, you’ll be able to think through the situation more clearly and work towards making the right decision for you. Take time to journal, meditate, and speak openly to yourself. Consider these questions:

  1. How are you feeling about your unplanned pregnancy?
  2. How will having a child affect your life moving forward?
  3. Would adoption be a good option to provide your child with what he/she needs?

Consider the reasons why you would keep the baby and the reasons why you might choose adoption. This is only an example of some of the things to consider. Don’t overwhelm yourself with trying to figure it all out immediately. Take some time to accept the news, validate your emotions and consider where to turn for help if adoption is an option. Remember, your baby’s future is your decision. Turning to others for advice can be helpful, but at the end of the day, choosing to place your child for adoption is up to you. Before sharing that you are pregnant, take multiple pregnancy tests or, preferably, visit your doctor to confirm that you are expecting. When you feel ready to share the news, plan to be straightforward and clear. Try to be as open as you can about how you are feeling and focus on using good eye contact and body language. 

Write down a list of some of the points you want to share and try practicing what you want to say. Don’t feel like it needs to be scripted or memorized. Preparing beforehand will help the conversation to be more relaxed and give you the confidence you need to openly express your thoughts. You should consider how loved ones have reacted in past situations and accept that they might not immediately respond as you would hope. Just as you may have been feeling when you first found out you were expecting, they might experience similar emotions of shock or surprise when you tell them. It can be helpful to try to predict how they will respond so that you are prepared and don’t become defensive if they get upset.

Plan a time to sit down and talk 

Plan a time to sit down and talk to those you want to share the news with. Make sure that it’s a space you feel comfortable in without interference or distraction. This will allow everyone to  focus and openly discuss without becoming frustrated or distracted. Remember that family and friends’ immediate reactions may reflect poorly of their love and support for you and it might require some time and privacy to welcome the news. Be sure to consider how your unplanned pregnancy could affect them, and address their concerns. Focus on trying to remain calm and collected during the conversation and allow them time to talk. Help them know that you are taking the situation seriously and want to explore all of your options so that you can do what you feel is best for you and your baby. Let them know how much you appreciate their support as you make your own decision.

Avoid Negative Phrases

Try not to use negative phrases like, “I hope you aren’t upset” or “I don’t want you to be mad at me.” Using phrases like this allows those in the conversation to voice negative feelings and removes your ability to guide the conversation in a healthy way. Take ownership of your actions, be factual about what happened and do your best to focus on the options you have in front of you. You may still be unsure but it could be a good time to discuss different possibilities including working with an adoption agency if you feel it could be best for your child. Keep the conversation productive by being open about conflicting feelings you are experiencing and be willing to listen when others want to speak. 

Allow loved ones to process their emotions too

Just like you had time, remember that those you tell will need the same. It is okay to allow family and friends time to process the news about your unplanned pregnancy. Be open and honest with those you choose to tell. Ask if they are okay to continue discussing or if they would like some time to process their emotions so that you can have a productive conversation at a later time. If they do ask for time, take it as a sign that they love you, and want to be in a place where they can help you work through it. Make sure to decide together on another time within the next 48 hours to talk again. Before your next conversation, create a list of the options you are considering so that you can share them when you meet again. If you think adoption would be a good option, help family and friends understand why you feel that way so that they can support you. 

Who should you talk to?

Choosing who to talk to about an unplanned pregnancy can seem obvious if you are underage and rely on your parents for medical support. Even if there are specific people in your life, like a spouse, who will be directly affected by having a child. If you are worried about how family members and friends might respond, remember that they love you. In most cases, after the initial shock, they’ll do their best to support you. If you feel like the conversation is becoming negative, or you feel threatened, you have every right to leave. If you believe you should tell someone in particular but are worried about how they will react, try bringing someone with you who has your best intentions at heart to provide support.

Informed decisions for a brighter future
Sometimes even people’s best intentions of “helping” might turn into assuming what is best for you and your baby. To make the most informed decision during an unplanned pregnancy, make sure that you have explored every option on your own. A Guardian Angel Adoptions has many services to give you the support you need during your pregnancy. With programs to help in all kinds of situations and every circumstance of life, many of our staff members are adoptive moms and birth mothers themselves.This allows them to form unique bonds, share a personal experience that could be beneficial to you, and help you find a positive outcome with your unplanned pregnancy. Let A Guardian Angel Adoptions help you make the decision that is best for you and your baby.