Learning that you are unexpectedly pregnant can often bring a lot of uncertainty for what lies ahead in the future. Not every expectant mother is the same. Each deals with unique challenges that must be considered in making the final decision whether to keep the baby or place him or her up for adoption.
Although each birth mother’s story is unique to her, it can be helpful to hear the experience of others who have been in a similar situation. For that reason, A Guardian Angel Adoption encourages birth mothers to share their adoption stories to help support others and remind them that they are not alone.
American Idol Audition
Recently, on an American singing competition, American Idol, as the new season was beginning to air, a girl named Amber Fiedler was spotlighted during her audition. To the judges’ surprise, this 23-year-old girl from Idaho was a mother-to-be auditioning at 38 weeks pregnant. It immediately struck a chord with Katy Perry, a judge on the show, who is also expecting. After some congratulation from the judges, Perry asked Amber if she had chosen a name for her baby girl. Amber hesitated before explaining that she planned to put her baby up for adoption.
By looking at her, you wouldn’t have assumed she had a challenging life—I mean here she is auditioning on American Idol, with an incredible voice, things must be good. However, Amber did have a tough time growing up. Her mom abused drugs for most of her life, and she was raised by her grandmother. Over the past couple of years, Amber made choices that caused her to, in her words, get “caught up in life” and ultimately led her to her unexpected pregnancy.
Amber went on explaining to the judges that when “…looking at the big picture, there are days I don’t even have $20 in my pocket. If I am not ready to be a mom, why would I put my baby through that, ya know?” She expressed that even though she doesn’t feel ready to be a mother, her baby saved her. She pays tribute to the fact that her pregnancy has forced her to take time to reflect on her life and find out who she is as a person.
Choosing adoption is never a wrong choice and, in many cases, can be beneficial to both the birth mother and the child. Amber said that her pregnancy not only helped her turn her life around but encouraged a relationship with her own mother. While she may not feel ready to be a mom, Fiedler still wants to do her best to give her baby the best life.
Adoption Assistance is Available
The decision to place your child up for adoption is entirely yours. The most important thing to consider is if you are capable of providing the life you want for your child. As you make your decision, think about how life will change for you after having a child. Talking with other birth mothers or reading about their experiences can help you better understand what life will be like for you and your child if you choose adoption. There are dozens of resources out there to support birth mothers. A Guardian Angel Adoption, for example, has staff to act as your support system through the adoption process, and programs to help birth mothers prepare for their future as well.
Amber went on to say, “…the family I chose, they are going to be able to give her everything she wants, and I won’t be able to do that…I am hoping she understands I am trying to choose the best for her.” Searching to find the best family for your baby can be daunting. However, an adoption agency will be your support and can help you every step along the way as you seek the family that would best suit your child’s needs.
What is an Open Adoption?
Amber chose an open adoption for her daughter, which means she will be able to stay in contact with her throughout her life. If you have decided that adoption is the best choice, you will need to consider the type of adoption that would be the best fit for you. You can choose from open, semi-open, or closed adoption. Each determines the level of communication you have with your child after being adopted. Open adoption allows the birth mother ongoing communication with her child as well as frequent updates through phone calls, social media, and other outlets. The level of communication is completely up to you and the adoptive family while raising your child. If you feel the relationship with the adoptive family could be beneficial to you, then consider choosing an open adoption.
Choosing the Right Family
Choosing the right adoptive parents is important. Adoption agencies like A Guardian Angel Adoption can help you know how to select an adoptive family and help you decide what type of adoption is best for you. So that you know your child is going to a loving home, adoption agencies should require all families to go through a home study process. Families will provide pictures and information for the birth mother to get to know them better. Through this process, you, as the birth mother, can be assured that your child is being placed in a family with similar values and beliefs.
A Guardian Angel Adoption knows adoption isn’t an easy choice but works to help birth mothers make the very best decision to give their child the best life possible. Before choosing a family, you should make a list of things that are important to you. This could include religion, education and other factors that determine the lifestyle you want your child to live. When meeting candidates and choosing an adoptive family, make sure you have set expectations about the levels of communication you feel comfortable having with your child so you can develop a healthy relationship from the start.
Acknowledging Your Child has Changed your Life
Throughout her exchange with the judges, Amber never expressed regret. She shared that the experience has helped her to refocus on what is most important. Choosing to be grateful for the chance to be able to carry your baby and have the opportunity to bring a life into the world is important. Allow yourself to be able to recognize the ways that your unplanned pregnancy has helped you. In Amber’s experience, she mentioned that she is trying to do the best for her daughter. She recognizes that her daughter’s needs are more than she can handle, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her or want the best for her. Choosing to place a child for adoption is unique to each birth mother’s situation. It is important to consider what you feel you can do but also ask for help if and when you need it.
What to do During Your Pregnancy?
During your pregnancy, as you consider the advantages of both adoption or choosing to keep your child, work on fostering relationships in your life that will help to support you in your decision. Amber acknowledges how her pregnancy encouraged her to build a better relationship with her mom when she shares, “…we’ve just kinda needed each other in this time.” She explained that expecting a child has helped her realize that she isn’t ready to be a mother yet but that she is doing her best to provide her baby with the life she deserved.
Amber is a true example of looking at the good in a number of unexpected events. While speaking with the judges she says, “the baby, she really saved me. So thanks,” as she looked down at her stomach. It is important to realistically consider what you are able to provide for your child. Amber recognized she wasn’t ready to support her child but she is doing what she can to foster positive relationships in her life now and is thankful to be able to give her daughter the best life possible with the help of her adoptive family.
Sharing Your Adoption Story
As Amber finished her audition, Luke Bryan, another judge on the show said, “Putting it out there and talking about it helps many many other people too. There are a lot of girls out there struggling with exactly what you struggle with.” Understanding the reasons why a birth mother chooses adoption for her child is special to her circumstances and is very personal. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your experience or feelings when people ask, that’s okay. The most important thing is that you know you are never alone and that there are others there to support and love you. For expectant mothers who feel scared or uncertain or intimidated, remember that there are many organizations like A Guardian Angel Adoption that provide birth mothers support, guidance and aid to help them in making a decision they can feel confident in and providing their child with the best life possible.