What a birth mother wishes you would say during adoption

The decision of adoption for expectant mothers can be difficult to navigate let alone explain to others. When a woman learns of her unplanned pregnancy, she should be able to confidently make a choice and feel supported in her decision. For friends, family, and potential adoptive families who want to support an expectant mother, it is important that you understand her intentions in choosing adoption and help her to know that she is loved.

What Birth Mothers Want Adoptive Families to Know

The decision to place a child for adoption is personal and is motivated by love from the birth brother from her unborn child. While the expectant mother may want to raise the child herself, she must consider her ability to provide the life she wants for the baby. Adoption is a decision that requires a selfless mindset. Birth mothers must look at their life and openly accept if they are or are not able to take on the responsibility of raising and caring for a child. Remember that the birth mother is making this decision while still trying to maintain as normal a life as possible. Be understanding when it comes to her feelings and help her know she is doing her very best. She may be trying to keep up with school or working full time as well as dealing with critical remarks from family and friends about her adoption decision. It can be a stressful time so offering support and letting her know that you are aware that she loves her child is important.

Making the decision to place a child for adoption can largely impact the life of the child, the birth mother, and the adoptive family in many positive ways. Though they might not say it, expectant mothers want those around them to understand that when they choose adoption it’s because they truly love their child. Because of the parental love that is developed as she carries the baby, the expectant mother wants others to understand that her adoption decision is an expression of selflessness as she considers the child’s needs before her own. It can be hard to feel scrutinized when trying to make a selfless decision on behalf of the child so helping the birth mother feel comfortable with her decision and reassuring her is important. 

Help the Expectant Mother Feel Needed Post-Adoption

The birth mother must determine the amount of contact had between herself and the child. While some birth mothers may choose a closed adoption which means they do not want contact with the child because they feel like it could be too difficult, expectant mothers who choose a semi or an open adoption want to be included however possible. These birth mothers hope adoptive parents will send them pictures, small updates, or even just a text to check-in. Birth mothers want to feel included and validated. They need to feel important not only during the adoption process but also after. Showing appreciation to the birth mother is important and can help her feel valued. Keeping open communication between the adoptive parents and the birth mother instills a sense of trust and understanding. Birth mothers recognize parental responsibilities will fall to the adoptive parents and should respect those boundaries but finding ways to reach out and help her feel included can be beneficial to the relationship between adoptive parents and birth mother.

Teach the Child About Where they Came From

Upon the arrival of the baby, it is important to make sure that you have set up a system of communication with the birth mother and help her feel that she is important and that you are grateful for her and her sacrifice. Expectant mothers should discuss openly the level of communication they want to have with the child after their unplanned pregnancy. A Guardian Angel Adoptions works with birth mothers from the time the birth mother decides on adoption through delivery and placement of the baby. Once the baby has been placed, the birth mother is no longer a part of the child’s day-to-day life. As the child gets older, many birth mothers hope that the adoptive parents will teach the child about where they came from, where he or she was born, and other facts unique to them. Birth mothers don’t want to steal the stage from the adoptive family but they hope to be remembered and often want to take some part in the child’s life while still respecting boundaries and allowing the child to be raised by the adoptive parents.

Help Your Child Know How to Talk About it

Once a child is placed for adoption, the birth mother no longer has control over what their child is being told about them or about their decision to have placed them for adoption. Expectant mothers hope that the adoptive parents treat her decision with respect and speak kindly of her. Help reassure her that her decision was made out of love and compassion for the child and while she won’t be there to answer all of the questions on her own, she will feel like she can trust you with that task.

A Birth Mother will Never Forget Her Child

Birth mother’s want friends and family to know that after the adoption process is finalized, she will never stop thinking about her child and will always have a very special place in her heart for him or her. The intention of adoption is not to give up on the child but to provide a life that will allow them to succeed.

What Birth Mothers Want Their Friends and Families to Know

The biggest thing birth mothers want their family and friends to understand is that the decision to place her child for adoption should never be viewed as an easy way out. As she makes this decision she wants to feel supported, respected, and trusted with the choice she makes. The birth mother knows her situation best and if she feels she will not be able to provide a good life for her child then she will sacrifice the chance to take part in that role so that her child receives the best care possible.

Consider the reasons birth mothers may choose adoption. These could include:

  • Lack of family support
  • Timing and resources
  • Poor relationship with the father
  • Not ready to be a parent
  • Legal issues or concerns about foster care

When considering these factors, try to understand what the birth mother is going through and the factors that play into her decision. As you try to understand where she is coming from it will help you to develop more sympathy towards the situation. A birth mother truly just wants to feel supported and loved by those she looks up to. She wants to know that there is a solution out there and that she will be able to do everything she can to help this child have the best life possible. 
A Guardian Angel Adoption works with birth mothers to create an adoption plan that helps instill confidence in her decision and provides the opportunity to explore different types of adoption. Our counselors work with every birth mother to ensure she feels supported and has the necessary resources so that she can prepare in every way possible to place her child for adoption and recover in an emotionally healthy way. To learn more, visit our website or contact us. Our goal is to provide education and support in order to help expectant mothers make the right decision for them.