Adoption Myths and Facts: What Expectant Mothers Deserve to Know This National Adoption Month

If you are pregnant and thinking about adoption, you have probably already heard a lot about it. Maybe it came from a movie, a TV show, a comment from someone close to you, or a story from thirty years ago. Some of it may be true. A lot of it is not. This National Adoption Month, we want to walk through the most common adoption myths and facts in plain language, so that whatever you decide, you decide with accurate information.

Why National Adoption Month Is a Good Time to Separate Myth From Fact

Much of what we hear about adoption comes from movies, TV, and stories from decades ago

Adoption has changed a great deal in the last few decades. The secrecy and closed doors that show up in older stories and on screen are not how adoption has to look today. Women now have a real voice in the process, and rightfully so.

Most National Adoption Month messages focus on foster care, which can blur the picture of infant adoption

National Adoption Awareness Month often centers on children in foster care, and that work matters. It is also a different path from the one you may be thinking about as an expectant mother, and the two get blurred together. This blog post will focus on your options outside of foster care.

Accurate information matters most to the woman who is still deciding

When you are still deciding, one wrong assumption can close a door before you have even looked at it. Many women put off reaching out because of something they heard that was never true.

You deserve facts, not pressure, whatever you choose

Parenting is a valid choice. Adoption is a valid choice. Our goal here is simply to share facts, not to steer you toward either one.

Myths About the Choices You Have

Myth: “If I call an adoption agency, I have to go through with it.”

Calling an adoption agency does not mean you have to place your baby. Reaching out is a way to get information, and it does not commit you to anything. You can ask your questions, hear how the process works, and take as long as you need to think it through before deciding. If you want to know what a first conversation is like, we walk through it in Calling an Adoption Agency for the First Time.

Myth: “The agency picks the family, and I do not get a say.”

Gone are the days when a woman has no control over hers or her baby’s life. You choose the adoptive family for your baby. You decide who feels right and what matters most to you, and no one makes that choice for you. If a family does not feel right, that feeling counts, and you are allowed to trust it. We wrote more about this in What If an Adoptive Family Does Not Feel Right?

Myth: “Adoption means I will never see or hear about my child again.”

Adoption today can include ongoing contact, and you decide what kind of relationship you want, from open to closed. Some women want regular updates, some want more contact, and some prefer less. There is no single right answer, and we will help you think through what would feel right for you. If you want to picture what this can look like, read What Does Open Adoption Look Like?

Myth: “Open adoption means we would be raising my child together.”

Open adoption is a relationship, not shared parenting. The family you choose raises your child and makes the everyday decisions. Your role is different, and it is real: you are your child’s birth mother, and you can remain a special part of their story and life. How that looks is something you shape throughout your relationship with them.

Myths About Birth Mothers

Myth: “Only teenagers choose adoption.”

Women who consider adoption come from every age and walk of life. Some are students, some are working, some are already parents or married and some are in their thirties or forties. There is no typical birth mother, and no one has to fit a picture to be welcome here. What they share is that each one is facing a real decision and deserves real information.

Myth: “A woman who considers adoption must not love her baby.”

Considering adoption is never a sign that you do not love your baby. Women explore adoption for many reasons, and love is very often at the forefront of those reasons – just as it is for women who decide to parent. Thinking carefully about your baby’s future, in either direction, is what a caring mother does. If you have run into hurtful assumptions, you are not alone, and we wrote about this here: what birth mothers wish people understood about adoption.

Myth: “Birth mothers just move on and forget.”

Birth mothers do not simply move on and forget their babies. Many carry their child with them for the rest of their lives, and that is part of why support and contact matter so much. You are not expected to forget, and you are not expected to carry it alone. You can read more in Celebrating Birth Mothers: The Heart of National Adoption Month.

Myths About Life After Placement

Myth: “If I feel grief, it means I made the wrong choice.”

Love and grief can exist side by side. Placement is not painless, and we would never tell you it is. Grief is a natural response to a big loss and a big love, and feeling it does not mean you made the wrong choice. What matters is having people around you who understand, with support available when the hard days come.

Myth: “My child will grow up thinking I did not want them.”

Your child can grow up knowing that you loved them and thought carefully about their future. Many women carry this fear, and it is one of the hardest in adoption. The kind of contact you choose and the way your story is told can both reflect how much you cared. We wrote about this fear with a lot of heart in Will My Child Think I Didn’t Love Them?

Myth: “Once the baby is placed, the agency is finished with me.”

Support does not end at placement. We stay in touch with any birth mother we work with for years afterward if that is what she needs. We offer counseling and long-term contact to the women we work with through our post placement department. It is there if you want it. You are welcome to reach out whenever you need someone, whether that is next month or years from now.

Finding the Facts for Your Own Situation

Questions worth asking any adoption agency you are considering

A good agency will answer these plainly, without pressure:

• Are you licensed, and for how long?
• What happens if I am not sure yet, or if I decide to parent?
• Who chooses the adoptive family?
• What kinds of contact are possible after placement?
• What support is offered after placement, and for how long?

Why licensing and a long track record matter

A Guardian Angel Adoptions is licensed with the State of Utah, and has been since 2004 and we work with women in every state of the country. Licensing is one way to know an agency is held accountable for how it operates, and a long track record means many women have walked this road with the team you are talking to. If you are an expectant mother comparing an adoption agency in Utah, those are fair things to look for.

Taking your time with the facts before you decide anything

There is no deadline on learning. You can read, ask a question, and step away to think. If you are weighing adoption and parenting side by side, Your Unplanned Pregnancy Options: How to Decide What’s Best for You is a good place to start.

This National Adoption Month, your story is yours to tell

Adoption is about creating families, not dividing them. Whatever you decide, and whatever your background or beliefs, you are never alone. We walk every step of the way with you.

If you would like to talk, we would be glad to hear from you. Call our expectant mother line at 877-804-3704 or text us at (206) 360-0020. You can also fill out our Expectant Mothers Contact form.