Like Any Other Family

Hello readers! As part of my inaugural blog post I thought I’d introduce myself. My name is Katie and I’m the lucky lady who has been married to my amazing Ben for the last 10 years. Through the miracle of adoption I’m also amazingly blessed to be mom to Miss K and Mister B. We adopted both of our kids at birth and have been trying to spread the adoption love ever since!

Our path to find each other may have been a bit longer and more unexpected than that of biological families but everything else is pretty much the same. Sometimes when I meet new people who are unfamiliar with what newborn adoption looks like in real life they are surprised it doesn’t match the portrayal they’ve seen on Lifetime movies. And sometimes they almost seem disappointed, as if it’s not dramatic or sensational enough for them. But the truth is, we’re pretty boring. There’s no inherent scandal we deal with just because our kids were adopted.

Every morning my husband gets up and gets ready for work while I get the kids fed, make a lunch for my daughter then do her hair before sending the two of them off for the day. My son usually watches an episode or two of Little Einsteins or Paw Patrol while I catch up on email and check in to Facebook. We eat dinner together every night and our house is often times a little messy. One minute my kids will be fighting over something seemingly petty then the next I’ll hear them laughing until they can’t breathe. Sometimes Ben and I stress because money is tighter than we would like while at other times we’re overcome with a recognition of our blessings and the abundance that we enjoy. Good or bad, our life is pretty much the same as every other family I know, whether their kids came to them biologically or otherwise.

I will admit the word adoption gets mentioned in our home more than it does other places but that is due more to the fact that I work from home, counseling expectant moms who are considering adoption, and less to do with the fact that my kids happen to have been adopted.

They don’t struggle to sleep at night wondering where they belong, because they know: they belong wherever we are. They don’t scream violently at us because they don’t know who their real parents are, because they know: WE are their real parents. They both know they were adopted and they know their birth parents. Our daughter often asks to send a text to her birthmother, just because. They are at peace with their reality and they have no reason to question our relationship because they know we always have been there for them and will continue to be until the day we each die (and beyond that if I have anything to do with it!).

You know what they are losing sleep over though? Their favorite stuffed bunny that went missing or the moon “spying” on them. And do you know what they are yelling about? The fact that they have to eat four bites of vegetables with dinner before they can have a cookie. Or that the iPad died while they still had 5 minutes of screen time left. Pretty typical complaints from two extraordinary kids who are leading a pretty typical life.

Now I will admit that not every adoption goes as smoothly or peacefully as {thankfully} ours have. Every child is different and therefore will identify with their role in the adoption triad differently. And if there are days when my kids are a little distant or a little clingy because they are starting to process things from a new perspective, that is their right and we will be right here to support them through it. I am not naïve enough to think that there will never be any negative or unpleasant conversations with our kids regarding their adoptions but I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that we will face those problems head on, as a united front, like any other strong family would. And in the end we will come through with a deeper love for one another and a more fierce determination to provide a safe haven from this scary world, like any other strong family would. No biological connection is needed for that.